12 days

Only 12 days of the year has passed, but what 12 DAYS it been.... so many things happened....

I will be going on away(subject to my Director's approval) from 12 Feb 07 onwards..... 25 days of vacation leave and from 28 March onwards, I will be on no-pay leave till end June 2007.... That means no pay for 3 mths & 4 days..... It takes me lots of guts but guess I need the break and time to search for another job......

But what BAD timing it is.... my hubby is also UNEMPLOYED as at today..... who knows when he will get a job..... I really hope it will be soon..... It is not as if we don't have savings to tide us over...... but it is just the feeling of insecurity..... But I can do now is pray hard that all these happened for a good reason and tat the months ahead is much better for the family......

I guess these feelings of insecurity is the main reason why I keep delaying having a child.... with a child, it means more commitment and responsibilities..... and for a person like me who is DAMN insecure/pessimistic, it is scary..... fear of being unable to give my child the best of everything.....

I really need to learn to be more positive & believe that there is always a silver lining in every cloud.... but it is hard.... I think I am like the ant who keeps on saving for a rainy day and never learn to enjoy life experiences......

With the BIG 30 approaching, I have more things on my mind..... Do I wanna continue on this life path or is it time for a MAJOR change?..... I really need to think things through..... But I guess finally, all I want is security..... but security is just AN ILLUSION..... something that is so fragile and can be torn away anytime....

Before I start to be so PHILOSOPHICAL... let me end it here.....