TRAUMA??

Sitting down... staring at the PC.... deciding whether I should or should not write Ilex's birth story...... It has been a week, but the idea of writing it all down still gives me the shivers.... but sooner or later, I have to face all my fears.... so here the story goes...

04/06 (dinner time) :
We decided to eat in today.... fried the sardine curry puffs & the chicken wings that my mom & MIL gave us. Wan asked whether it will give me heart burn since they are spicy. I said should be manageable.

05/06 (2.00+ am) :
Woke up with a terrible heartburn. Very strong urge to vomit. Violently vomitted out all the food. Felt a sudden gush of liquid and saw that I was bleeding. Did not panic. Decided to monitor and see whether I continue to bleed. After about 10 minutes of continuous bleeding, woke Wan up. We called the poor doctor up at 2.30 am. The poor guy sounds so sleepy. He told us to monitor the situation and if I continue to bleed to go to the hospital latest by 8 am. As I did not have any regular contractions, decided to do some housework and tidy-up. Played computer games the whole night.

05/06 (7.00 am) :
Doctor called and asked for update. Told him that I stop bleeding at around 4 plus am, so not going to hospital. He told us to come to his clinic at 10 am instead.

05/06 (10.00 am) :
Saw the doctor and he said that I have dilated 2 cm. As I still do not have any regular contractions, to visit him again at 5 pm.

05/06 (5.00 pm) :
Saw the doctor again and I was about 2-3 cm dilated. Put on CTG machine for monitoring. Nurse told me to come back at 6.45 pm. So Wan & I went to fetch Ian from school. On the way there, I started to have regular contractions which is pretty close together.

05/06 (7.00 pm) :
Saw doctor again. Told him about my regular contractions and he advised us to go to Thomson Medical Centre (TMC) by 8 pm. So we decided to drop Ian at his Nani's place since my mom is not around to take care of him.

05/06 (7.00+ pm) :
What a drive!! Wan speed all the way to his mom's place since I began to have terrible contractions which is about 2-3 minutes apart. I was also beginning to bleed quite badly. After dropping Ian off, Wan again speed all the way to TMC. The journey there was already a torture to me since I am really badly, badly in pain. I do believe that I told him that my greatest fear is that I am already too late for epidural.

05/06 (8.00 - 9.23 pm) :
Arrived at TMC and was sent to the labour ward. Do all the basic preparation (eg. hooked up on CTG machine, etc). Was only 3-4 cm dilated, so asked nurse whether I can get epidural as the pain is simply beyond me now. She said that my contractions are very closed together (about 1-2 mins apart) and to give it another 15 - 30 mins and if I still can't stand it and I am not dilating, then she will call the doctor for me. I have no choice but to agree. The pain got worse and worse and worse, but I am dilating quite fast so only allowed to have the "laughing gas". Soon, I felt like pushing, but everyone keeps on telling me that I am only 8 cm dilated and should not push. WHAT DO THEY KNOW!! The pain is simply TERRIBLE. Think doctor came and I told him to just vacuum the baby out as I don't have any more energy to push. He was accommodating and did exactly that. So ILEX IHTSHAM KUSUMA was born at 9.23 pm. How I wish the story ends there, but the worst has yet to come!!

05/06 (9.23 pm) - 06/06 (3.00 am) :
Doctor started to stitch me up. While he was stitching me up, a nurse came by to inject me. I asked her why must I have an injection since I have this FEAR of needles. The doctor said that the injection was supposed to stop the after-birth bleeding, so no choice but to accept it.

Soon I heard the doctor saying that I still have not stop bleeding yet and he fear that I may have some internal tear due to my fast & intense labour, so he began to source for possible tears and stitch them up. Still the bleeding continues, so he asked the nurse to give me another type of jab which is to stop the bleeding. Time passes by and I was just keeping my eyes close but I was getting colder and colder.... The doctor started to rub my tummy/uterus rather intensely as he suspected that my uterus is not contracting and is pumping out the blood. He ordered the nurse to start an IV line on my left hand to give me something (not sure what it is).

Time passes by again.... heard something like I am still bleeding and losing blood. One nurse started an IV line on my right hand (yes, now I have 2 IV lines.... I was too dazed to really feel the pain of the needles). Heard doctor said that he need some blood test to be done and whether the lab is still open. They began to take my blood. Asked me to cletch and uncletch my fist since my blood is not flowing properly. I tried to do what they asked, but really felt so drained and cold. Was also feeling neusea and think I vomitted a couple of times (was later informed that this was a side effect from all the medicine they been pumping in me).

Time passes by again.... doctor came in and talked to me... said something like he needs me to sign an authorisation form for him to conduct an operation on me... He tried to explain the procedure, but I think I did not really understand at that moment....Was too tired, just want to close my eyes and sleep.... no energy at all...

Understand from hubby that the doctor told him that the procedure consisted of first they will do some check to find the source of the bleeding, next cut me up and stop the bleeding, and finally, if they can't stop the bleeding, they will need to take out my uterus. The doctor told him that choosing not to go thru the procedure might cause my death as I will just continue to bleed away.....

Was wheeled to the operating theatre..... was very, very cold so I told the nurse and they told me that it is normal to feel that way when I am closing that much blood. They put socks on my feet and got a warmer/blower to blow on my body..... was given some nice smelling gas and that was the last of my memory

06/06 (3.00 am - 9.00 am) :
Woke up and I was already at the ward.... The doctor came in and said that they managed to save my uterus. No operation was done, but it was a close call... He said that they been massaging my tummy/uterus for about 60 mins in the operating theatre and just when they are about to give up and operate on me, the bleeding lessens. So now they are going to monitor me till morning and if the bleeding stops, then I need not go for the operation. So the waiting game continued. He said that they have done 2 blood transfusion for me at the operating theatre since I am extremely low in blood.

All that I can say is that I make a very nice person when I am high on drugs... :-P... Hubby can testify to it.... I sounds like Ian... I say please, I say thank you and the best thing is that I can spell...*LOL*....

06/06 (9.00 am) :
The doctor visited me at the ward and said that everything looks better. Once again, he said that this non-stop bleeding is very, very rare. His last case was 4 years ago and it is a miracle that I managed to get thru it without taking out my womb.

06/06 (remaining of the day) :
I realised how traumatic I must have felt as everytime I closed my eyes, I dreamt that I am back at the labour ward giving birth and experiencing the whole event again. I can't sleep and kept on crying everytime I tried to sleep.... kept telling myself that it is over, but somehow my brain does not accept that.

Still low on blood so I got another pint of blood. The blood helps me to feel better and the doctor also said that they can take away one of the IV lines at the end of afternoon...

The rest of the story was pretty standard so shall not write anymore.... I was discharged on Monday, 08/06 and now, I am doing fine.... recuperating at home with my little Ilex and my bigger Ian.... *LOL*......